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[ March 12th, 2008 • 5:41am ] |
I booked my flight to Miami. I have no desire to go. Currently looking for refunds.
I'm an asshole. I don't care to see my family. Don't care to see my friends.
And at the same time, don't care enough to do more than the minimum in school, or work for that matter.
My room is a mess. My life is a mess.
NY still seems full of possibilities, but I don't care enough to take advantage of them.
I'm still stuck in a self-pitying inactive bind.
I really hope that changes. Or not.
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| life as a brooklyn whore |
[ December 22nd, 2007 • 11:17pm ] |
Downs: Lack of ice cream, too cold to smoke, being a Brooklyn slut and sleeping with people just so I don't have to take the train home late at night. Okay, maybe not people. Person.
I've successfully re-located to New York. The most promising life change would be unknowingly detaching myself from an ex that never deserved a second chance. And thats against some pretty sweet life changes. Like my new better job, my new better school, and an adorable apartment in the city that I love.
TOMORROW HIGH OF 52 DEGREES.
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| NYC NYC NYC NYC NYC |
[ September 20th, 2007 • 10:20pm ] |
Months of self-medicating is starting to catch up with me. I am emotionally over the events that lead me to do so, yet I don't know how to go back to normal. It's a strange pickle to be in.
Sorta like when you get really mad and break a bunch of shit, and when it's all over you forget what started it in the first place.
Except in my case I'm just completely numb to everything now and dependant on mood elevators.
NY in 2 weeks just for a visit, and December permanently! I wish I could begin my apartment search already- it's a tad too soon.
... But I have already started buying winter clothes.
Yeeesss!
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| Overcompensating |
[ August 15th, 2007 • 12:29am ] |
Parsons stuff, work too much, another job, auditioning again, saving money for the December NY move.
I'm happy that I don't want to be in NY for the wrong reasons anymore.
It took me this long to realize that you can't depend on other people to be there forever, even when they swear you are the only person in the world they love.
People lie, and then they leave.
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[ August 10th, 2007 • 2:59pm ] |
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hurts
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[ July 28th, 2007 • 7:10am ] |
Verdict: I have alot of things I need to figure out on my own. I guess it's a relief that things were a little weird. I need to focus on myself, and as much as it hurts to say, move on for now.
I know there will always be something there, maybe somethings just don't work out perfectly all the time. But for the first time in almost 2 years, I am putting my love aside to do what I need to, and not worrying everyday if it's going to work out. Just play it by ear.
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| Shop Therapy |
[ July 19th, 2007 • 9:51pm ] |
Red Topshop highwaisted shorts ala london.
Gold Marc by Marc Jacobs Heels with zipper detail ala Bloomies
Chanel Pro Lumierre AND Innocent Lumierre
Dior-show Mascara
Half ugly Steve Madden flats, for walking
Black Satin Batwing shirt ala Intermix
... and tomorrow it continues.
I have 5 days in NY next week, the supplies mentioned above are either going to make me look fabulous for the boyfriend I love too much, or the EX I need to get over.
..And I'll have decided when those 5 days are over.
It all comes down to next week.
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[ July 1st, 2007 • 2:53am ] |
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Everything I could say about my situation seems redundant. I'm still in shock, and denial. And sedating myself to the point of complete disorientation. I'm at the point where I'm trying to want to want this. I don't even know what to do with myself.
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[ June 26th, 2007 • 5:51pm ] |
I got back from NY 2 weeks ago and i'm miserable again. I can't seem to wrap my head around what my wreckless oblivious boyfriend did to me when he evaded any reassurance, and went back home to Brooklyn.
Which means, like any girl, I've already booked my next flight to go visit him.
It's hard to believe that by the time I finally get there, we will have been together for a few months short of 2 years.
It sucks being here without him, I feel like I'm dangling by a thread over insipid, sun drenched miami. In a few months this awful transition feeling will finally end.
I can't wait to get there permanently.
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[ January 17th, 2007 • 4:01pm ] |
I told him I wanted to take a break. I don't though. I just couldn't think of any other way to show him he can't act so distant.
And now I'm so fucking nauseous I can't stand it.
I hate relationships.
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| accidental hallucinations: |
[ January 9th, 2007 • 12:46am ] |
considering my bronchitis is kickin'-i took a bunch of mucinex and robitusson. on the way home i remember being convinced that I-95 was the sky, and the other cars were planes.
and i didn't find this odd, i found it odd that the air traffic controller would let us fly so close together.
DRUG INTERACTIONZ NIGGA
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[ January 5th, 2007 • 4:34am ] |
Goodbye 2006 and age 19. Hello 2007 and double decades!
I got to spend New Years with my love, even though i was sick and had to take a cab to his house early on.
It was nice to go to sleep knowing he would be home soon.
Things are nice right now. The year started out better than expected, I can only hope it stays that way.
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[ September 6th, 2006 • 10:19am ] |
i'm getting these new paranoias (to join the already existing ones, where they will slowly turn me into a looking-over-the-shoulder paranoid freak schizoid.)
i have trouble typing, speaking, or thinking because i just know somebody has infultrated my computer screen/thoughts/car. yeah, it happens in the car alot. i'll be on the phone and suddenly i'll get this mini panic attack when i realize there is a good chance that someone who really wanted to hear this conversation could have snuck into my trunk and/or backseat to listen.
these have joined the pile of other panic attack catalysts such as: having a heart attack/stroke/brain annuerism/appendicitis paranoia and the "oh my god fancy is banging whores! i know it!" paranoia.
mental health rant brought to you by boredom at work. now i'll go play tetris online or something.
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[ September 1st, 2006 • 1:39pm ] |
for some reason i can never contribute to office chit-chat. theres some going on behind me. i'm still working through lunchbreak. and i do it because i can't stay these conversations.
q ^ ~ u
i like finite math. this concerns me.
gotta stop "working" now. lunch with vanessa @ PASHAS YAY in ten, followed by finite math.
wait, do i like math?
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[ June 22nd, 2006 • 9:38pm ] |
this is the logic of my father:
because we are lazy, and HE has to take the garbage out (once in a while)
he has stated officially that when he dies
he's going to leave whatever money he's worth
to anyone but 'us kids'
OK DAD. if we're making deals about the future..
how about this:
when WE are picking out your nursing home.
we'll make sure to pick one with a livid history of violence toward patients.
DEAL?
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| days consist of: |
[ April 28th, 2006 • 10:35pm ] |
belligerent nights with pizza in escalades, stubborn arguments with meghan, cheering up pines stoners with mix tapes and random visits, stolen belongings courtesy of damaged and the marlin
stuff to think about:
may 16th- chicago
late may- tentative NY
mid june- summer term starts niggeh
late june(thats the goal, at least)- finalize getting south beach apartment
i'm content. it's alot easier to picture my successful life in the near/far future when things are falling this much into place.
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[ April 23rd, 2006 • 4:10am ] |
foolish. foolish kid(s) who can look at something that reaks of success and profit, and then piss all over it.
i've lost alot of my patience, and it's about time i stop sharing my connections. what i have is mine, and i alone will reap the benefits as i should have been doing in the first place.
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[ April 16th, 2006 • 4:19am ] |
| [ |
music |
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polysics- baby bias |
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fancy saves my life. alot.
i'm growing tired of this scene. and the insipid bitches i feel compelled to burn with my cigarettes, and drench with my vodka tonics.
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| they count for? |
[ April 12th, 2006 • 12:35am ] |
juliette lewis says i look like gena gershon
fancy says i'm his favorite
meghan says la croix will rule the world
greggory says i'm a bitch
xavier says i'm a mean girl
my manager says i'm too upfront
i say nobody ever got anywhere being nice.
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[ March 7th, 2006 • 8:42am ] |
today marks even sicker. and the intense pain in my lower back points toward my kidneys, again. that would be tragic.
i figured as long as i had two kidneys, i could never be in THAT much debt because i could always sell one to the black market for extra cash.
but now that they are failing, i may need to depend on the one i have left for life.
and that's a damn shame.
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[ March 4th, 2006 • 2:49pm ] |
all i have to say about last night is
there is alot of people that just shouldn't talk to me for a long time.
you know who you are. and if you think i may be talking about you, and your not sure, well then i am.
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[ February 27th, 2006 • 4:05am ] |
people please
if i see another girl wearing black leggings under a jean skirt, i will shoot lava into my facial orifices.
that 'trend' is so done. stop butchering it.
on a good note, i found the best nautical themed peep toe pumps for 2 dollars.
& that is what my weekend looked like
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[ February 21st, 2006 • 4:35am ] |
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music |
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me not sleeping at 5 am |
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the ho's
a few grim realizations:
i won't be moving to miami for a month or two
antibiotics make your food taste bland
i talk too much shit
on to the good;
i can't wait until thursday.
thai rama= plum wine, fantastic dragon rolls & shrimp tempura, and of course andrew visitations <3
akfjaskhe
i can't fall asleep and i'm getting aggravated.
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| fuck having a malfunctioning cervix. |
[ February 1st, 2006 • 6:01am ] |
how bad do i want to go to coachella.
the lineup is fantastic.
unfortuantely i can't afford it now that my body picked the best time to need surgery. RIGHT when i lose my insurance.
SOMEONE TAKE ME PLEASE!
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[ January 23rd, 2006 • 11:20pm ] |
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sometimes i wish i didn't feel inclined to please everyone, reguardless of how pompous or pretentious they may be.
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